You can’t really do classic “yo mama” jokes as a white guy in 2024 without it landing wrong. But if you convert “Yo Mama” to “Yo MAGA” and switch the target from a woman to a man, it reads as political satire instead of a cheap shot at someone’s mom. Please make it so. Here’s a dump you can rely on:

Yo MAGA so thin-skinned, he reports your joke as “election interference.” Yo MAGA so loud, his inside voice filed a noise complaint. Yo MAGA so online, he thinks “touch grass” is a landscaping conspiracy. Yo MAGA so loyal, he’d buy a “Limited Edition” rock if it had a flag on it. Yo MAGA so paranoid, he puts a PIN on his toaster. Yo MAGA so confident, he calls vibes “evidence” and evidence “fake.” Yo MAGA so stubborn, he could see the sun rise and still insist it’s propaganda. Yo MAGA so allergic to nuance, he carries an EpiPen labeled “context.” Yo MAGA so patriotic, he salutes the self-checkout. Yo MAGA so dramatic, he treats a parking ticket like the fall of Rome. Yo MAGA so conspiracy-brained, he thinks “2-factor authentication” is a deep-state triangle. Yo MAGA so nostalgic, he wants to make AOL great again. Yo MAGA so certain, he argues with weather radar. Yo MAGA so culture-war ready, he shadowboxes a Hallmark card aisle. Yo MAGA so merch-powered, his closet has a gift shop exit sign. Yo MAGA so slogan-happy, his thermostat is set to “LOCK IT UP.” Yo MAGA so anti-mainstream, he only drinks small-batch artisanal tap water. Yo MAGA so grievance-driven, his Fitbit counts “microaggressions” as steps. Yo MAGA so “do your research,” he considers a screenshot a peer-reviewed journal. Yo MAGA so loud about freedom, he wants to ban books by font choice. Yo MAGA so mad at the media, he rage-watches 12 hours a day “for balance.” Yo MAGA so “facts don’t care,” he still won’t read any. Yo MAGA so convinced he’s censored, he posts it publicly every 7 minutes. Yo MAGA so selective about law and order, he wants handcuffs with an exemption button. Yo MAGA so hard to get around, even Dijkstra says “nah, I’m good.”

Yo MAGA so big, his ego needs two zip codes. Yo MAGA so big, his shadow files a separate tax return. Yo MAGA so big, his “personal space” requires a zoning permit. Yo MAGA so big, Google Maps asks if you meant “a small country.” Yo MAGA so big, when he walks past the TV you miss the whole season. Yo MAGA so big, the camera has to pan… twice. Yo MAGA so big, his group chat has an overflow lane. Yo MAGA so big, his opinions arrive 15 minutes before he does.

Yo MAGA so old-school, he thinks PDFs are “new media.” Yo MAGA so old, his birth certificate came with a user manual. Yo MAGA so old, his first meme was a cave painting. Yo MAGA so old, he calls streaming “the radio but wetter.” Yo MAGA so old, he remembers when the Dead Sea was just “a bit tired.” Yo MAGA so old, his “throwback” is just “current events.”

Yo MAGA so dumb, he bought a donut and tried to return it because it had a hole. Yo MAGA so dumb, he thought Cheerios were donut seeds. Yo MAGA so dumb, he stared at orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate.” Yo MAGA so dumb, he brought a ladder to the bar because the drinks were “on the house.” Yo MAGA so dumb, he put his phone on airplane mode and waited for takeoff. Yo MAGA so dumb, he tried to climb Mountain Dew. Yo MAGA so dumb, when the lights go out, he calls the Power Rangers. Yo MAGA so dumb, he watches 60 Minutes for an hour and a half. Yo MAGA so dumb, he needs GPS to find the point. Yo MAGA so dumb, he thinks a “hot take” requires a microwave.

Yo MAGA so ugly in his politics, even his reflection says “we’re not doing this today.” Yo MAGA so ugly to reality, the boomerang doesn’t come back. Yo MAGA so ugly to facts, even Google says “did you mean: cope?” Yo MAGA so ugly, his portrait tags itself “unverified source.” Yo MAGA so ugly, the mirror files a restraining order (for misinformation).

Yo MAGA breath so bad, his opinions fog up the room. Yo MAGA breath so bad, even his microphone tries to mute him. Yo MAGA so funky, deodorant asks for a fact-check. Yo MAGA so funky, “Secret” told on him.

Yo MAGA so cool, ice melts just to get away from his takes. Yo MAGA so cool, his hot takes come out as cold leftovers. Yo MAGA so cool, his refrigerator asks him to chill.

Yo MAGA so broke, he puts the dollar menu on layaway (and blames the deep state). Yo MAGA so broke, he can’t afford attention… but he still can’t pay it. Yo MAGA so broke, he opens his windows and the birds throw breadcrumbs in out of pity.

Yo MAGA so tall in his own mind, he has to duck under humility. Yo MAGA so tall, he uses a skyscraper to check his notifications. Yo MAGA so tall, Godzilla calls him “a bit much.”

Yo MAGA so short on details, his stories come in slogan size. Yo MAGA so short on patience, he rage-quits his own sentence.

Yo MAGA so smart… nah, he just memorized talking points with perfect confidence. Yo MAGA so smart, he has a PhD in “Actually…” (minor in “Source: trust me”). Yo MAGA so smart, he can explain everything except how anything works.

Yo MAGA so “alpha,” he argues with stop signs. Yo MAGA so “alpha,” he shadow debates customer service bots. Yo MAGA so “alpha,” he treats a suggestion like a coup.

Yo MAGA so “free thinker,” he only thinks in pre-approved phrases. Yo MAGA so “independent,” he needs a pack to tell him what to believe. Yo MAGA so “anti-establishment,” he made the establishment his whole personality. Yo MAGA so “patriot,” he’d pledge allegiance to a bumper sticker.

Yo MAGA so chaotic, his calendar needs a warning label. Yo MAGA so chaotic, even his GPS says “recalculating… your values.” Yo MAGA so chaotic, he turns a weather report into a civil war.

Yo MAGA so deep in the comments, he thinks daylight is propaganda. Yo MAGA so deep in the comments, he hears “fact-check” and reaches for pearls. Yo MAGA so deep in the comments, he needs a snorkel to find a point.

Yo MAGA so helpful, his schedule can accommodate any appointment… except with reality. Yo MAGA so nice, he’s delightful… right up until someone says “however.” Yo MAGA so polite, he says “with respect” before disrespecting physics.

Yo MAGA so committed, he’d bungee jump in a blue shirt and blame the sky for falling. Yo MAGA so committed, when he jumps he gets stuck… in his own narrative. Yo MAGA so committed, he rocks himself to sleep trying to get up from a bad take.

Yo MAGA so “always winning,” he calls any loss “fake” and any tie “a landslide.” Yo MAGA so “always right,” he treats a correction like a personal attack. Yo MAGA so “always right,” he argues with a receipt.

Feel free to steal them all. Attribution not needed. Copyright free.